Over the last couple of years, I’ve finished the year with Unravelling by Susannah Conway. I find it really interesting to go back at the end of the year and see how much I have written down has actually happened during the year. I’m sure writing it down settles it enough in my brain to actually start things happening. It’s become part of my Christmas ritual, and I think it’s well worth the time I put into it.
This year my word is Open – I want to say yes more to my children, I want to break out of some ruts that I have going on, I want to be more flexible, and less scrunched up in how I go about things.
I read a quote in the last couple of days that really resonated with me, because frankly I feel compelled to write it after that last paragraph:
One thing I’ve learned: when people end whatever they’re saying with “idk, I’m probably not making any sense,” it usually means they are telling you something very close and personal to them, something that’s such an integral part of their being that they have trouble putting it into words that do it justice.
I often feel compelled to write things like that. I like to tell myself that it’s ok, because I’m not a writer (while stuffing down my secret hopes that actually I could be, maybe?)
But hey, I’ll be honest here a little bit. I want to be open to – for example – breaking out of my jeans and a tee shirt uniform, without breaking the bank, and while keeping my ‘me-ness’.
I want to be open enough to honour my children’s learning explorations, even when they feel overwhelming. I want to say yes, not just put off their requests to some point in the future.
I’m still trying to figure out how to hold myself accountable for the changes I want to make. Maybe I need to break them down more into do-able steps? Maybe I need to review the things I want to do regularly and work out what is working and what is not working?
I’m sorry this isn’t a ’10 steps doing doing whatever’ post. (I love those posts too.) It’s more a ‘here I am in the midst of it all, trying to work out how to do it too.’
Right now I’m using a habit tracking ap on my phone. This way I don’t have to keep everything in my head. (I talked about Bullet Journalling here – I’m getting better at getting things out of my head, and it definitely helps me get more stuff actually done, rather than just dreamed about.) I always have my phone in my pocket (except for right now, when FB is using it to listen to an audio book, while he plays with his lego), so I can go through my list several times a day, and use little pockets of time to get things ticked off before the end of the day.
I try to build in some slack though – I want to be able to count doing something 5 times a week a win, rather than reaching for 7, not being able to achieve it, and having to concede the win for the week. Doing something (taking my vitamins for example) 5 times a week, is better than quitting and not taking them at all, and the improvement I get (in my own head at least) of reaching high enough, without insisting on perfection), is better for it.
Again. I hope this makes sense.
So after a year of Brave (2013) and a year of Nourish (2014) comes a year of being Open.
It’s up to me to make it a good one.