I am writing this less to inform you, and more to remind myself – this is pretty much the hardest bit.

Aichbee is 5 weeks old, all the visitors have been seen and we have been back to ‘normal life’ for 3 weeks. It is frigid and very windy again today, Elar is teething her molars and both Efbee and I have colds.

And it is the easter holidays.

Aichbee cannot be put down. If she was a first child she probably could be, but she is a third child and her brother and sister want to kiss her and move her head so she is looking at them, want to pick her up even though they are repeatedly told that they are not allowed. So she is in the carrier on my front and the combination of large baby and a 4+ finger gap between the two columns of muscles that run the length of my stomach means that i am about as clumbersome as i was 6 weeks ago, except now with a small precious head that might knock into things, feet and hands that might get too cold.

My bedtime is the same as the children’s -still! – a combination of end-of-the-day-knackeredness and who-knows-when-a-cluster-feed-might-strike?

And I have got it into my head that I should be keeping up with everything. The washing! The house! The mess that two small people under 5 can make while their mother is busy feeding the baby.

I told Jo (@ Darn it and Stitch) that I was hoping to start dyeing again in about 4 weeks and she (very) gently laughed and told me to start up again when I was ready.

And I am ready – in my head, at least. All these things I was determined to do once the baby was born – some how I forgot that what that really meant was a few months after the baby was born, once things settle down.

This is the hardest bit. This right now is the hardest bit. Aichbee is still very young and I don’t want to wish her early baby days away. My hands are full of small children and everything has to be done in the few moments when they are free. Or have to be done one handed. Or with my trousers almost falling down.

(Hi inbetween stage where my maternity clothes are hanging off me but my regular jeans won’t do up!)

In another few weeks Aichbee will be more awake, and can sit in the bouncy chair a bit, it will (hopefully?) be warmer, and things will carry on slowly settling down. But I have to be realistic about what I can achieve until then and I have to look after myself because everyone needs me.

And I have to remember to remember that.