Where did I go?

The view from my window

It’s scary writing this post. Mainly because it takes a lot of wrangling with my negative inner voice to put it out there. But I can feel that how I blog is changing and that’s why I haven’t been here in any real way for months now. Which makes me sad.

Here are the bare bones:

  • There were significant technical issues with the shop and the blog in the spring
  • I had to close the shop to get them sorted (thanks to my wonderful husband, who carved time out of his already incredibly busy life to get the work done)
  • There is now a backlog of yarn that needs photographing and putting into the shop
  • I have very small children so finding the time to get the photographing done is tricky
  • I got pregnant at the start of the summer so I didn’t have the energy or the non-foggy head, along with everything else, to get the work done around the children, and no evenings to speak of.
  • I feel like if I don’t blog about the yarn being in the shop then people will read what I do say and think that I am a) lazy, b) careless and c) not worth their time
  • (I generally have a good attitude about myself but something about going into business in this way feels really vulnerable to me)
  • So I don’t blog about anything.
  • And. I don’t want to blog about my life, because it’s really hard to get right and be authentic. It is, however, easy to edit your blog to show only the good bits, the tidy bits. The bits that make you look great, and make other people feel bad about themselves.  Plus I’m actually pretty shy and I don’t want to live my life out on the screen. I don’t want it for my children. I don’t want it for my husband.
  • But I like blogging, and blogging beyond just ‘here is a shop update. Buy my yarn.’
  • So there will be new content. There will be content about books, because I love books, and I love reading books to my children, and while I read plenty of US based blogs that talk about books I don’t read any British ones.
  • There might also be links to cool stuff US bloggers talk about that it turns out we can get here. Like Midori stationary or personalised journals because I go hunting for this stuff so that I don’t have to ship so much.
  • Basically there will be more UK based content, but hopefully the US based people will still find most of it interesting.
  • And I’ll still talk about knitting. And sewing and making stuff.
  • (An aside about the knitting – my negative voice also nags me when I post about things that aren’t knit in Oxford Kitchen Yarns, like I’m letting myself down. But I have a stash – even though it’s small these days – and there are still yarns I love that I don’t actually make. So I’m going to tell my negative voice to shut up and try to post what I’m actually knitting, rather than what I think I should be knitting.)
  • I should really give up on the bullet points, but I actually written more about this now that I have in months. And it’s actually down in a blog post…

I hope, as customers and readers of the this blog, that you don’t feel I have let you down. Oxford Kitchen Yarns is still really important to me, and I’ve absolutely no intention of shutting up shop, even if I go a bit quiet at times (because of life and things).

I still love naturally dyeing my yarn, and I am still very proud of the yarns that I put out into the world. I’m thrilled when I see what people make with them.

Business books would laugh at me, and think me a fool, but I have worked the 7 days a week, 14 hour days and all it did was make me ill and kill any love I had for the industry I was in before. I love my life now, I just have to be brave enough to actually live it and not be scared about what other people might or might not think.

I’ll try to be back soon.

There is yarn in the dye vats and yarn waiting to be re-skeined. There is a design three quarters finished and more in the wings. I’ve stopped feeling dizzy and sick and the fog has cleared from my head.

It’s too hot, but you can’t have everything.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Where did I go?

  1. I love this post. Totally love it (except bullet point six, but you know I disagree with this already!!). I'm really excited to read what you come up with, and to be honest, I love reading whatever you put out there. I just happen to agree with you about the life bit vs the blog bit and the ethics bit about what you show and what you don't. And the book bit. Oh, and the stash and knitting bit. So I could probably have stopped with my first sentence?! Thinking of you, even if I don't get to see you 🙂 Got to go – B wants to play caterpillars (oh no).

    1. Thank you!

      *hug*

      Does playing caterpillars involve getting in a sleeping bag? in our house, when i was a child it involved sliding down the stairs in a nylon sleeping bag. 😉

  2. hello 🙂
    congratulations on the pregnancy! sorry you've been so dizzy and sick – it's so horrible – i had that awfully with my second.
    i hope you get plenty of supportive comments from your post because being a mum and running a home and a business is really hard! i have 2 small boys and run my own little handcrafts business. i find it really tricky to know how to do everything, and do it well! so it's encouraging and inspiring to see how other people manage similar challenges 🙂
    i also think you've really hit the nail on the head about blogs being selective and edited etc. i have found several blogs that have looked lovely and yet made me feel worse for reading them because the writers seem to have it all together all the time! i find that i tend to return to blogs where the writers genuine-ness comes through, which is usually clear even when they have large chunks of life they just don't blog about at all, and i've always really enjoyed reading yours.
    anyhow, i just wanted to leave a comment to be encouraging and say that whatever you choose to write or not write, i think you should be comfortable and confident with it yourself and not worry about other people 😉

  3. I'm so happy to have found your post! Since I'm a new blogger I was looking around to find some old hand who also dyes, knits, blogs, etc. to learn from. I agree with Clare and Anna regarding authenticity – it's very scary to put out even a half-way balanced view on your life. I will try to do just that without bleating too much and without pretending everything goes always right for me. One thing I'm sure of: I'll be checking back regularly, so keep posting when you feel like it! Hang in there!

  4. Such a lovely honest post. I can understand where you are coming from. And in the juggling act of life, it makes sense that documenting it is the lowest priority! Last year I started a blog about home educating my daughter, but I've only written a few posts. The busyness of looking after children, home and being creative just hasn't allowed space! I have a folder of lovely pics from activities we've done that i want to write about and one day maybe i will. But for now i usually want to collapse in the evenings (or comment on someone else's blog!).
    BTW I saw your wool today in Wallingford and feel so inspired by what you do. The yarns are gorgeous. I want to try playing with hand dyes now!

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